Change means growth. 

If nothing changes then nothing changes. 

Change is hard.

I’ve written and rewritten this post a half dozen times tonight. I hope my words are eloquent enough for everyone. 

I had spent the latter half of 2016 coasting through life. I have had an amazing life with great friends, a fabulous career, the best husband a gal could ask for and hobbies and a support system to make anyone jealous. Life was awesome the way it was but for a few months I felt like something was missing. 

I made a change in my life recently. It wasn’t just a change to find a new job although that was a huge piece of it. The change in my life was that I realized I need to unleash my potential and  become who I want to be and know that I am capable of being. 

Last year when I decided to run a marathon I thought it would be an exercise in physical strength but I had no idea how it would change me. Training for and running the Santa Rosa marathon gave my life meaning. It was an opportunity to show myself what I was made of, and to show the world that you don’t have to be an elite athlete to run 26.2 if you want to. 

Chilling with cows at mile 20

But then the marathon was over and life went back to normal. Or did it?  I went back to my normal job, I went back to my normal routine, I went back to my normal life. Everything in my life went back to the way it was, except that I had grown. I had grown and changed but nothing else in my life had. 

I subconsciously realized in those 26.2 miles, which translated to 6:07:28 for me, that I was worth and capable of more than I ever made myself do and be.  I accomplished something that years before felt unattainable and that I wasn’t worthy of.  It wasn’t apparent to me until months later how much mental growth I had experienced in that marathon and training cycle.  

During the holidays it became obvious to me and I realized I wanted to give my life more meaning. I wanted to become more. My life as it was, had tons of meaning, but I wanted more. My routine had become just that – a routine.  I wanted the opportunity to be a bigger part of the world. It was time for me to grow so I took some leaps of faith. 

It started with my passion planner.  I finally purchased one after years of hoping to buy one. The front page had us list goals of ours for the next few months, years and our lifetime. I set a timer and put pencil to paper. Things came out of me thay I had no idea I wanted. And when I wrote those things out, I knew to get there I needed to make changes. When I took a comprehensive view of where I was and where I wanted to be, I knew the two were not living in harmony together and so I started doing something I’ve never made myself do, and find ways to change and be better.  I did not want to plateau in my own life. Remember what I said earlier?  If nothing changes then nothing changes.  And nothing in my life had changed, except my determination, and it was time to take my faith and make a big leap. 

In order to grow, we must get uncomfortable for a little while. Growing pains. We will be faced with days where we think we are making the right choice and days where we think we aren’t. There will be days where the little voice in our heads will tell us we don’t need to change, that things are fine the way they are.  I had someone tell me when I made the really hard choice to accept a new job and leave my old one “Sometimes we get to leave the nest when we are ready and sometimes we are forced out.” And that was the perfect summary for me of where I was in life.  I don’t think I was quite ready to leave the comfort of my life nest, but I forced myself out. 

Change is hard.  People say that but I wasn’t sure why until I stood there in my own two shoes.  I realized that change is hard because of the voices in my head. What if I fail? What if this is a mistake?  What if the grass is greener on this side?

I’m ready to be more in my own life. I’ve created action items, made goals with timelines, set up an even bigger support network, changed my routine, researched ways to learn and grow more in areas I want to be part of, I’ve put myself out there more than ever before. This is a change and it scares the life out of me, but the fear I feel parallels the spark I feel. Mr. FtoF looked me in the eye the other night and said I was back to who I was before. My speculation? Because my life has meaning again because I’m forcing myself to change and to grow. 

But if I wanted to achieve my goals, or if I want to continue to be more, change is necessary.  So 2017, although merely one week old, will be about change and growth for me because I’m ready to tackle those changes. What about you?

Cheers to change,

Vanessa 

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