On Sunday I finished a run of a four weekend production of the musical A Little Night Music by Sondheim. My college did the show ten years ago and I was hooked. I didn’t get cast and knew I needed to do it if it ever came around. When I found out the theater I often do shows at was putting it on, I put it out into the universe that I WAS going to be cast. I worked for it. I dreamt about it and it happened.  I played the role of Mrs. Nordstrom and loved EVERY SINGLE minute of it. 

I tried to maintain my already full plate while adding in 5-6 days of rehearsal on top of it. Eventually I couldn’t sustain my 4:30 am alarm for the gym, going straight to work, going to the theater and getting in bed at 11:00. I thought I was doing fine until my body hit me with a sickness that lasted – no exaggeration – an entire month. I was sidelined significantly from activity. It was frustrating. 

Last week I caught myself eating my second meal of the day in my car and realized I had completely changed. I was someone I never thought I would be. I live eight minutes from my job, yet I was eating meals in the car, not exercising, and gaining weight faster than you can say weekend in the country. At my Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday I lost all emotional control and I sat in my meeting and cried. I raised my hand to say something and I just lost it. I owned up to everything that’s been hurting me. 

• I’ve gained 22 pounds
• I haven’t run in ages
• I haven’t meal prepped in forever
• I can’t do it all and I thought that I could. 

But in that moment of frustration and emotion, I was reminded of something that I had forgotten because it had been so long since I’ve done it. 

I have been so personally happy because I have been performing. 

I was once told that my face lights up the stage and that I am so graceful when I get out there. I can feel a shift in my heart when I get out there to sing. 

I could easily have said no to the production in an effort to save my schedule, keep my routine and get to my goal weight. 

But would I be happy?

Can we put our whole lives on hold to maintain our physical stature?

The answer is yes, yes we can. We can live in our safe bubbles and never let anything get to us. We can turn down social engagements and life changing opportunities to maintain our physique. But is that any way to live?

For me, it’s not. And I have to remind myself of the opportunity I was blessed with, the music I’ve sung, the friends I’ve made and the gift I’ve given the audience by being part of this show. 

It has been an opportunity to learn something new about myself and to be armed with new tools for next time I am faced with a wrench in my routine. 

I will never, ever put my life on hold because it is too short to do so. And so while I’ve gained some weight, and lost some physical abilities from lack of exercise, I’ve had an experience that was worth every moment of everything. 

And now that my show is closed, back to training for races!

Cheers to living our best lives!

Vanessa